What do people know?

Interesting isn't it - the fact that the more we hang out with people, the more we are able to learn about them - without knowing it.

If someone knows me better than I think they do or should - what should me reaction be?

Run and hide, face up to the facts, interact with them more? Where is the line?

The better people know us I s'pose the more comfortable we can be. It was interesting that at a masquerade ball - a person showed me that they could see behind the mask (metaphorical for behavior).

Where do I go now? Am I comfortable being known? So often I have enjoyed being a different person to different people in different situations. But I suppose now - there is no hiding, however I can still change who I am - with ease.

Watch this space - the new Jonny Hagger to be revealed in the next few months...

Waikato Uni Economics

Well after a 6 month lay off from study I have to finish economics to get my Post Grad Dip. Well how has it gone? Not too badly.

Anna Strutt is a really fascinating person (and very attractive as well), and Steven Lim gets good reports but I have yet to be awed by him.

I will be pleased to finish the studies so that I can get a life again. Am I fussed about moving up the ladder? Not yet. Has the PGDip been worthwhile? Absolutely.

People ask - why Waikato? Why not Waiariki? Simple really. University qualification or Polytech qualification? The answer is clear.

Economics 501 and 503. Good all round economics papers for the uninititated.

Where to from here? Career

In 4 weeks time I will have finished my post graduate diploma. What does that mean?

I still do not have any technical expertise in one area or another but then that is how I have always been.

My current job - like any job - has it's ups and downs but overall I'd give it an 8 out of 10.

So what happens next? When I started the role I gave myself a two year time span, and those two years are nearly up.

What happens next? I'm not really fussed. There are a huge number of positive changes taking place in the Forestry School, but I feel like I am sitting on the outside looking in and not really affecting any change.

Change is the thing I enjoy making more than anything else in life.

I thought about Google for a job - but they are only in Auckland and aren't hiring at the moment.

Accounting Technician? Probably not. That would be better for a new graduate rather than a weathered old soul like myself!

Anyway, we shall wait and see. Tomorrow is another day filled with possibilities.

Contriteness

What does is mean to be truly sorry - and can anyone ever really be?

What does God expect/want/ask for?

Synonyms
apologetic
compunctious
humble
penitent
regretful
remorseful
repentant
rueful
sorrowful
sorry
conscience-stricken
penitential

–adjective
1. caused by or showing sincere remorse.
2. filled with a sense of guilt and the desire for atonement; penitent: a contrite sinner.

How do we know when we are really being contrite? Can we be truly repentant? Does our behavior actually change after we ask for forgiveness?

I think the best picture of this that I have ever seen was in a movie called Afterglow. Right at the end of the movie the main character reaps what she sowed, and all the viewer can see is her screaming in pain. She knows what she has done, and is expressing remorse for her actions.

There is no sound - just a picture of her screaming.

Some days - that's exactly how I feel.

Screaming for repentance but no sound.

But does He hear me? Of course.

Does He forgive me? Yes.

Do I change? Maybe...

Life, Events and Destiny

What happens to us in this lifetime is not entirely predetermined. If the omnipotent God were in total control of every tiny aspect of what we do, e would be incedibly boing/bored.

Is He even interested? I say probably. But I am not totally convinced that He sets up events in specific ways for us to have to deal wth them. It makes no sense. Yes Job had to go through 'hell', but I still think that story is metaphorical rather than literal.

If we live our lives with the knowledge that we are saved, and salvation began when Jesus Christ took over, then the everyday situations we face are insignificant in the big scheme of things.

I'm thinking that maybe alot of what we do doesn't matter at the end of the day. And the stuff that we may think doesn;t matter, actually has long lasting impact on both ourselves and on others as well.

it is quite a paradoxical situation and condition.

But then again, what do I know?

Rest

Does living with the knowledge that salvation is secure remove or lower the responsibility of the believer in regards to their behavior?

Romans 7 and 8 clearly deals with this issue. Paul states emphatically - no.

BUT - the believer must also be able to live in 'the rest'. It doesn't have to be hard!

This is the area where I always struggled, and often this brought on bouts of depression and made my failings into a viscous circle.

I now am at rest and am peaceful about my life. I am not struggling with bad feelings or constantly keeping an eye out for the judge. Neither do I spend each day wondering amourous thoughts about God. I am just not that kind of person.

What I do do is - live my life. What else is there? Take it easy, kicj back and enjoy life - because that is what it is for.

If life is one constant drama and you keep jumping from one batllefield to another - whats te point? Chill out, read the bible as it is written, and just rest.

God, Salvation and Life

If Calivin is right, and all men are saved forever at the point of salvation - how does that affect life from then on?

Life has more purpose and more value when seen from the viewpoint that no matter what I cannot be lost, and even if I sin or fall - it doesn't matter. One thing I have always stuggled with is depressio which was usually brought on by a feeling of not measuraing up, making mistakes and the loss of love/salvation from God.

What sort of God does that? I fail - then get punished forever? Fear is not healthy, and detracts from the message of God rather than spread and improve it.

No - God does NOT love everyone. But rather He has chosen those whom He will save. I am assured of my salvation and nothing can take that away.